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I got married when I was 19, completely ignorant of what it meant to be in relationship. My ex and I lived in a relationship for 7 years that was largely uncommunicative, and unhappy. We constantly lived in fear and believed our struggle was the other person's fault. When my marriage failed, I became obsessed with what it meant to be in a healthy, thriving relationship. I yearned for it. My failure sent me into years of self discovery and research. I wanted to know what it meant for two people to be happy and healthy as they walked their lives together. The insights I discovered have changed my entire life. Like a domino effect, changes in intimate relationships leads to changes in all our relationships.  Sharing these insights with other couples is an honor.

I believe a thriving relationship takes a few things:

  • Fun, playfulness, curiosity 
  • Commitment 
  • Safety to communicate and good, clear communication 
  • Two people who are willing to grow and do it together

Relationships are no more work than anything else you will take on in this life time. The phrase "relationships are hard" is no different than saying "getting out of bed is hard." What meaningful thing in your life has not taken work?

My goal with couples is make the work fun. To do this, both people in the relationship have to be willing to do their own personal work. Doings one's own internal, personal work will allow couples to escape the trap of reaction. It will also allow the couple to overcome the culprits of many failed realtionships: blame and lack of communication. 

My description of a successful relationship is one that is thriving. A thriving relationship is one in which both parties are fully self-expressed: able to speak up and say their truth, and able to live and create their dream life alongside their partner's dream life. A thriving relationship is when two people join together and it actually makes the world a better place. Thriving relationships are an example of love on this planet. They inspire and move people to action. They bring life to everything that they touch. 

It takes work to build a thriving relationship, but the work is fun, fulfilling, and sooo worth it. Relationships are our greatest opportunity for healing and growth. Our rough edges can't help but come out when we are in intimate relationship. Relationship is an offering to refine those sharp edges and to teach us how to love.